Soooo I went on my trip. Like, four months ago. It was amazing and ridiculous and exhausting. Everything I wanted it to be, basically. And I fully intended — correction, intend — to include a couple of highlights of the adventure in this little blog. But life, as it does, swept me along and here we are. In December. Woah.
Anyway, the other day I came across some scrawlings I’d made in a notebook whilst up in the air, going slowly mental from lack of sleep and aircabin claustrophobia, and jotting down random thoughts — stream of consciousness style — collected from various flights. They are deeply profound. Here, as a way of easing myself back into writing, I share them with you.
- Compression socks: are just really, really tight socks.
- Compression socks: are impossible to put on whilst wearing skinny jeans. This requires an extremely awkward undressing manoeuvre in the plane toilet, which is probably more complicated to pull off than having sex in a plane toilet.
- The dad in the front row has ordered his fourth JD and coke and is now past pretending not to notice his toddler leaning over the seats and poking the faces of the passengers behind, and is blatantly, boozedly, not noticing.
- The 20-somethings in the exit row are also getting wasted. I thought one of them was doing that thing where you say something rude and disguise it as a cough, till I realised he just has a tourettes-style tic that involves coughing every fourth word. My bad.
- I cannot get past $16,000 on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, my inflight entertainment of choice. It’s so frustrating. But probably more frustrating for the people behind me who can see my screen and watch me consistently bomb out over obscure general knowledge questions. Once, on a flight, I swear I got to $64,000. You don’t believe me. I should have taken a photo.
- I’ve come up with my departure jam. I literally have it on repeat as soon as I’m seated and play it to zone out during the annoying period where you wait for everyone to get settled and the plane to take off. And, best part, it’s provided by the airline. Inflight entertainment wins again. Except when they rudely interrupt with various ‘important’ announcements. I promise to keep my seatbelt buckled like a good citizen as long as you wind this thing up in the next five seconds.