Flight of fancypants

Anybody have a spare $66,950 I could borrow? I’m good for it, promise.

For that wee handful of change, I could — for 22 days — live the life of a fabulously wealthy jet-setter. Imagine flitting from one exotic locale to the next — from, say, Bora Bora to Sydney, then Bali to Chiang Mai and on. Travel would be by private jet (er, naturally), and accommodations only the best five-star hotels and resorts. While you’re at it, why not chuck in a world-renowned expert or two for some insightful tour guidance along the way?

If this is sounding a little too specific for your generic, everyday “If I were rich” fantasy, that’s because it is. You see, what 70 thousand dollars buys you is the mother of all package holidays.

Forget ten days at an all-inclusive in Cancun. The Four Seasons Around the World by Private Jet tour is a package worthy of silk wrapping and a giant, diamond-bedazzled bow. It’s the ultimate lazy (and rich) person’s adventure, with every deluxe detail taken care of. All you need to do is turn up with your LV monogrammed luggage and travelling khakis.

So, what exactly does 70 grand get you? Let’s review.

Beginning the tour in Hollywood, LA, a specially chartered private jet whisks away 78 lucky passengers to the following:

  • Kona, Hawaii
  • Bora Bora, French Polynesia
  • Sydney & Ayers Rock, Australia
  • Bali, Indonesia
  • Chiang Mai, Thailand
  • The Taj Mahal & Mumbai, India
  • Cairo, the Pyramids & the Sphinx, Egypt
  • London (final stop)

Accommodation is — you guessed it — at Four Seasons hotels, and all meals, drinks (including booze, but not the mini-bar, mind), taxes, gratuities and excursion costs are included. And bottled water, which is nice. Four Seasons also promises to sort “expedited boarding, luggage handling, and customs and immigration formalities whenever possible”. With all the trauma of getting through airport customs these days, that might just be worth the price right there. “Excuse me, airport plebs, move aside. Rich, fancy person on ridiculously expensive group tour coming through!”

It’s a pretty decent list of destinations, though, personally, I might’ve ditched Sydney and added somewhere like Paris instead. But hey, I didn’t write the brochure. I’d also extend the trip so you’re not spending a mere two or three days in each place, which seems like a hectic pace for a trip-of-a-lifetime, but of course, that would only add to the already intimidating price tag. On the other hand, if you’re going to splash out that much for a three-week holiday, what’s an extra grand or five?

While the idea of a guided-tour holiday has always turned me off (I’m thinking bossy guide, clipboard, matching visors, whistle), I can’t deny the awesomeness of some of the activities on offer here. Like dining outdoors at the Giza Plateau in Egypt, with a view of the pyramids and Sphinx at night. Or a helicopter tour over two live volcanoes in Hawaii. Or an elephant trek through the jungle in Thailand. Yes, those are things I could probably get onboard with.

But, as with any group trip, there’s one little aspect you can’t control, which can have a very large impact on the level of enjoyment you’ll get out of your trip.

Just who, exactly, is on the tour with you?

Let’s get real, people. Anybody who can afford this whopper of a vacation must be LOADED.  Like, so rich that maybe they were choosing between installing that double-decker hot tub and water slide in their winter guest lodge or going on this trip.

I just can’t image what it would be like to be surrounded by 77 really, really, really rich people for three weeks. Whatever would we chat about? I don’t know, maybe it would be fine. I’ve never met someone that wealthy, so I really can’t say.

All I know is that there are a lot of them out there, because the first Private Jet tour sold out. SOLD OUT. So now they’ve scheduled a second one. In case anyone’s desperate to rush and buy their tickets, here’s where to get more info:

http://www.luxuryworldjettravel.com/

Be sure to tell me if you’re seated with a prince, or a crazy old society dame. If I can’t go along myself (yeah, that’s definitely not happening), I’d at least settle for the goss on the elite set of first-class travellers that does get to go.

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